Who are you?

This weekend I did something I was scared to do. I went to a party which was largely made up of strangers. Now, I used to be the kind of person who would walk into a room and randomly start chatting to anyone, it would appear I have become incredibly socially anxious.

This opinion of myself was later reconfirmed when I went to the pub. I was chatting with a guy who I have known a while and he said the following thing to me: You have never opened up to me before, you always used to come here and be quiet, float around, almost like you were scared to speak to people, now you aren't with your ex you seem chattier, happier....I am glad I am getting to know this you. I like this you.

Admittedly he was drunk but it begs the question: Can I become the old socially confident me again? Can I become the person who walks into a room of strangers and leaves with at least one new friend? The indicators suggest I am heading in the right direction, if what my friend said through an alcohol infused fog holds true....

In truth, I don't know. I am so plagued by self doubt (the usual things; too fat, too ugly, not interesting enough) and now this new layer added by a bad breakup and two years of adapting myself, subconsciously, to fit my ex's expectations...which is ironic when you consider that he finished it, so I didn't even manage that. I want to be that person again, in truth I need to become that person again in order to make new friends and potentially(a while away, I suspect) meet a new partner.

Will I be able to rediscover myself? Will I be able to recapture my ability to hold conversations with strangers? I hope so. I don't really know where to begin to be honest....but I need to keep doing things that scare me. Maybe that's the key. Maybe the old me isn't the answer, but creating a new me, a more confident but cautious me, that could be the way forward.....I hope!